-Growing As Friends-
I must start out by saying that Lydia and I understand that our relationship story is unique to us. It is not a one-size-fits-all story that I’m sharing so others can mimic. We believe that God’s principles have shown to apply and God’s character is definitely evident in the way He worked things out for us. As I share this chapter of our relationship, we trust you will see the greatness of our God and His perfect timing.
Lydia and I met for the first time at a college social event in the summer of 2009. Lydia had only been in Indiana for less than two weeks when she came to the event that July night. She was a new intern at Vision of Hope, almost 2000 miles from her family. She had begun to build a relationship with her roommate, Allison. The college class would have “Cookies and Milk” get-togethers once every week or so. I was there that night. They also decided to attend the social event that night. The unique thing about that night is that God used it to trigger a relationship. Two new girls showed up. A couple of buddies and me went over to introduce ourselves to the new people. I walked away from that night recognizing that I wanted to get to know both of these girls better. Why? They were interns at Vision of Hope. I knew to be an intern you had to have a level of Godliness, and that was attractive. Godly friends are the best kind to have!
Fast-forward to October of the same year. I was asked by a pastor at Faith to consider teaching a Sunday School. I knew that I was interested, but desired to share the class with one or two others. So, I approached a group of college-age girls on a church family night. I asked them if they knew of anyone or if they, themselves, would be interested in teaching K-2 Sunday School with me. One girl got back to me—Lydia. She had been in children’s ministries her life and comes from a family where little ones are running around everywhere. She missed this and thought the Sunday School would be a good chance to go back to her love of interacting with children. It was in this class that Lydia and I were able to develop consistency to our interaction with each other. We both knew it was just a friendship.
In January, I desired to see if she would be interested into a relationship that was more than friendship. However, I realized that we still had a lot of room left to build a friendship. So, I thought that I would ask her to go out on a date with me, so we could learn more about each other. This is very different than the approach to guy-girl relationships Lydia was used to. So, she sent me to talk with her father to ask any questions I had about spending time getting to know her.
The solution: Lydia and I got to know each other over the phone. We were not “in a relationship” as facebook would say it. However, we were getting to know each other in an intentional way that removed the social pressure of being “a couple.” I appreciate her father’s desire to protect his daughter’s heart. He wanted to make sure that we didn’t rush into anything, and we took our time. So, we spent March and the following months getting to know each other.
I want to point to a very good and amazing God as I look back on these details. First, notice the means by which God chose to make this relationship possible. God used His church and his peoples’ fellowship to bring about good. There are many ways that God uses His church: like saving the lost, feeding the poor, and strengthening believers. This relationship serves as another good thing that can come from investment in a local body of believers.
A second thing to see in our relationship is that Godly leadership leads to God’s glory. I think that a key reason that Lydia and I are such great friends is that he father allowed us the tools to grow a genuine friendship that was based upon our walks with Christ. We didn’t spend our time putting on a show for each other and living to win the other over. Instead, we were able to spend our time focusing on how God was working in each other’s life and then were encouraged by that. I appreciate that her father wanted to protect and preserve this focus.
A third think I realized is that God’s grace is sufficient, even when He is growing us. God grew my patience in this relationship. I have grown up in a society where we get what we want, when we want it. This relationship was a great chance to grow in patience, as it took us a number of months before some even knew that Lydia and I liked each other. Patience is a great character quality to have, and God is gracious enough to give us manageable opportunities to grow in it. Looking back, it was totally worth the waiting to make the relationship public. Why? Patience was grown.
Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
(Let say clearly: the ‘suffering’ referred to here, in my case, was not the fact that I couldn’t be in a relationship. The ‘suffering’ was that my weak desire to ‘have what I want, when I want it’ was not met.)
